'Like' Links

Since my last post, I've come across some more thoughts on the dangers of mistaking being nice for other, loftier virtues:  Positivity Blog. 
In today's paper, I came across this  Hokey Pokey Project.    I found the second link in today's paper, and if you've ever wanted to change the world, here's an inspiration:  Wishful Thinking. 
It reminded me to dig out a little book that's a favorite of mine:  Change the World for 10 bucks.   On Amazon right now, you won't even have to pay the 10 bucks.  Amazon

Kindness

Photo by Rhys Alton Flickr Images

I appreciate people who are civil, whether they mean it or not. I think: Be civil. Do not cherish your opinion over my feelings. There's a vanity to candor that isn't really worth it. Be kind.

Richard Greenberg, NY Times Magazine, 03-26-2006 I consider myself a kind person, and lately I've been asking myself what that really means.   The Richard Greenberg quote above humbles me about a recent decision to share an observation with a friend for her own good.

My friend protested that my observation wasn't nice--and it wasn't, but at the time I really thought that letting her know was kind.  Kindness is surely something more than being nice.
"Play nice," I sometimes tell my nieces and nephews, and they seem to know just what that means.  "Play kind," never leaves my lips.  If it did, would it stop them in their tracks? 
In the Kindness Handbook, Sharon Salzberg presents kindness as a quality we could steer our lives by.  It manifests as compassion, generosity, paying attention.  The book even has some rules for playing kind that the author found posted in an Elementary School:

Rules for Being Kind

• Treat people like you'd like to be treated.
• Play fair.
• Respect everyone...
• Everyone can play.
• Help others when they need help.
• Don't hurt others on the inside or the outside.

In my own daily prayers I ask to manifest courtesy, the love in little things, and remind myself to consciously consider the thoughts and feelings of others involved in situations with me. 



Newspapers: Still a Bargain

Even though the price keeps going up and number of pages keeps going down, I subscribe for home delivery of my local newspaper.  I like the balance of it, not just in the way it reports the news, but the sound of it hitting the door, and the way it feels in my hands.  There's a something special to look forward to each day. 
Monday offers a group of features in the business section.  I especially like Stephen Wilber's Effective Writing column http://www.wilbers.com/.  
Tuesday takes me to Miss Manners.
Wednesday is Home & Garden.
Thursday brings me the taste section, with restaurant reviews and recipes.startribune.com/taste
Friday, it's the movie reviews.
Saturday, there's a veterinarian column I like--Dr. Fox. 
Sunday brings a bonanza of grocery adds, coupons, book reviews, and the crosswords.

Heaven--or not

Flickr image by respres (Jeff Turner)

My earliest image of what heaven might be like came from some grade school confusion between the streets of heaven and the streets of New York--both I and my immigrant ancestors expected to find them paved with gold.  Sister Zita made short shrift of that image, though secretly I liked it better than her alternative-- the

Beatific Vision.  Spend an eternity  gazing on the radiant, risen savior ?  I was not impressed.

I've lately realized that these two concepts of the hereafter are at the root of my current notions.  The streets may not be paved with gold, but I still hold a view that heaven is this life somehow transformed; that the transformation isn't some hard and fixed future endpoint, but that we are part of the creative process bringing it about.  (I read both Tillich and de Chardin in college, guided by a favorite professor who ended the study of each book by loudly clapping it closed and inviting us to"...put that in your pipe and smoke it!"

And maybe it won't be the Beatific Vision, but I expect some kind of radiant oneness, some joining.

Weeds--part three

So there I was on Washington Island.   No internet.  No TV.  No matter, I'm a reader.  But I couldn't get into the new best selling mystery I brought along and so scouted the house for something else.  Beneath a pile of fishing magazines, I spotted an old issue of Oprah.  May 2007.
Leafing through it, I came across an article with an intriguing title:  "The Soul Check Up" by Krista Tippett.  She suggested revisiting words that are important in your religious passions.
The word that banged against the inside of my head, trying to get out, isn't exactly religious or passionate.  Old.  Now I've made a certain amount of peace with the concept of aging.  Enjoying its opportunities while managing its challenges is a central them of this blog. 
Old is a whole other story.  Maybe being old isn't the crux of the matter.  It's the next step--dying-- that takes my breath away (nice choice of words that.)  Then what?
Which brings me to one of those religious words that people can get passionate about.  Heaven.  Or hell.  Where hell is concerned, I belong to the Lullie E Martini (my grandmother) school of thought.  There's enough hell on earth to go around, so there's no need for it in the afterlife.    Heaven on earth, on the other hand, in in considerable shorter supply.

Weeds & Other Unexpected Blessings__Part 2

Because we would arrive too late for the last ferry to Washington Island, we made a nuisance

stop in Green Bay Wisconsin.  My image of Green Bay centered around Lambeau Field, the rivalry

between their Packers and my Minnesota Vikings, and hearsay that football-crazed citizens there

painted porches and living rooms Packer green.  My late night sight of the little city downtown

didn't pique my interest further.

What a difference a day made!  My 'weed' stop flowered.  In bright sunlight and cool breeze, I set

out for a walk.  Across the street from the motel, I came upon a walking path lined with scultures 

beside the Fox River.  I spent a wonderful hour walking, enjoying the art, and sitting on a bench for

a brief meditation.  Here's a sample. 

(I just previewed the post and found an accidental poem.  Enjoy.)

"Dancing Light"

Source:  Green Bay Wisconsin Life of the River Website

http://www.ci.green-bay.wi.us/lifeoftheriver/riverart.html

Weeds and Other Unexpected Blessings--1

Queen Anne's Lace flickr image by j godsey

I've just spent some time on Washington Island on Lake Michigan in Door County Wisconsin. 
No TV.  No Internet.  Days spent wandering, wading in the water, reading, playing cards, talking. 
Wild flowers--known as weeds elsewhere says my sister--particularly Queen Anne's Lace, are inter-
spersed with wooded areas, fields of planted crops, homesteads, and shops. 

The place I stayed  was a microcosm of the lifestyles that populate the island.  The property
includes a  meadow of wild flowers, cultivated flower beds that display thistles and goldenrod,
a neglected orchard that's feeding ground for morning deer, a fledging vineyard, and an abandoned
studio that I'm told once housed a loom.  Leaning against another building, a beautifully crafted
sign announces that here original textiles and art works were sold.

These mimic the activities and scenes that proliferate at island center.  At its periphery, of course,
the focus changes to all things big water--boating, fishing, ferrying to the mainland and to a
smaller nearby island that boasts sandy beaches.

Favorite Things

Since my last,whiny posting about a bad picture I've done an attitude adjustment by making a list of favorite things that don't have a thing to do with how I look, but make me feel young and healthy and happy.

• Faith practices
• Family
• Volunteering
• Browsing a farmers market on a mild summer day
• Some faces on Ashton Drake dolls
• Exercising to DVDs or walking.
• Working a 12 hour shift occasionally.
• Listening to a music DVD put together by a young niece--and actually enjoying the songs.
• Lily the cat
• Books

Older and Growing

"Older and growing"

Flickr image by sebpaquet

My current musings started with a picture sent by a friend.  A picture of me, to be exact.  A picture that challenged both my best images of myself and the good intentions of my friend  for folding it into a remembrance of scenes from a recent reunion.  In other words, she sent it out to lots of people.
When I scanned Flickr images to find one that fit my mood, this image caught my eye.  The title caught my fancy.  Growing how?  Growing what?  Older, certainly.  Growing wise and well?  Not so much right now.  Another Flickr image caught my eye.  http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=growing+older&l=4#page=2

Would an unflattering photograph ruin the day of a mature person?  I'm going to allow it to ruin a few

minutes --not the whole day, mind you, but long enough to grieve a certain fond, fading image held in my mind of what I look like. 

Healing Stories

Roller coaster week for family nurse.  Sister with total knee replacement surgery has an up and down recovery.    Local nurses gearing up for strike suddenly settle their contract.  I had expected to be transitioning in replacement nurses at my hospital right now.  Instead--thankfully--I'm blogging.

To pass the hours spent in the hospital waiting and watching, of course I brought a book, a treasure found at a yard sale for a quarter:  Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Remen M.D.  It was the subtitle that caught my eye, Stories That Heal.  I seldom read a book twice (so many books, so little time) and I've started through this one again.  I just liked the way I felt when I read it.  It was also thought provoking for this wisdom seeker.
Here's a sample (p 39) One of the blessings of growing older is the discovery that many of the things I once believed to be my shortcomings have turned out to be my strengths, and other things of which I was unduly proud have revealed themselves in the end to be my shortcomings.  I've long known that my strengths and weaknesses are two sides of the same coin, and this idea puts a new spin on the coin toss. 
The author works extensively with cancer survivors, but her book has a lot to say to all of us.

New York by Wheelchair

Flickr image by man pikin

Just back from the promised trip to New York for my high school graduate niece--previous post 6/5.  We had a great time.  Our hotel, Four Points Sheraton Midtown Times Square lived up to its promise of a wheelchair accessible room with roll in shower.  We were within easy walking distance to great restaurants and Times Square and the theatre district and Rockerfeller Center.   New York isn't great for wheelchair accessibility, especially restaurants and some shopping.  Nice people helped us into the restaurants, many of which had a step into them.  Ashley uses a manual wheelchair.  It would have been a lot harder for someone in a motorized wheelchair.
The highlight of the trip was a guided tour by Family In New York.  I found it on the internet and we had a big, tasty bite of the Big Apple.  We especially enjoyed Central Park and the Staten Island Ferry, but we were out for a full nine hours.  As a bonus, we learned how to get around by subway, bus, and cab.
And where did we go?  Greenwich Village for one.  Do you know what's on the corner of Bedford and Grove in Greenwich Village?  I didn't have a clue, but Ashley knew--the apartment building featured in the Friends TV series.  We saw it and explored Washington Square Park--another Friends haunt--on a sunny, Sunday evening when we could even imagine ourselves living in New York.
Ashley and I were amused because I'm usually mistaken for her grandmother, but on this trip I was twice identified as 'Mom'.  Either she's looking older or I'm looking younger.
My sister and her daughter came with us.  Lately, I've traveled with people my own age.  Going with these young people helped us get our money's worth big time.  After that nine hour tour, I might have chosen to hole up in bed with room service and a book.  The girls got us up and going to a distant--we now knew how to use the subway--restaurant, and we had a late night jaunt to Times Square.

Jumble

The present week has been a jumble of events.  I work casual part time for the hospital that employed me for 30 years.  Yesterday, our nurses staged a one day strike.  I helped with handoffs between our nurses and the replacement nurses, and then did documentation support for the replacements.  I had a little trepidation about how things would go when our nurses returned.  Would they be angry?  The news media had showcased examples of militant nurses on the picket lines.

I needn't have worried.  The replacement nurses went down the back elevator and the hospital's own nurses came up the front.  I got tears in my eyes when I saw them and was moved to greet them warmly.  "We're glad to see you too," they called.  There will be hard days ahead for all of us, but in the end we're a team of professionals working in a respect-based culture.  I pray that we can listen to and hear each other over the coming weeks.  In years past, I was a member of the management negotiating team.  I'm glad I'm on the sidelines now, helping where I can.

A book I've been reading suggests that I would be in a better position to negotiate now than in years past--that wisdom idea again.  I think I've mentioned that A Course In Miracles has influenced my thinking, though I don't consider myself a formal student of the course.  Several well known authors have been influenced by the course also.  One of them is Marianne Williamson, and I've been reading her book The Age of Miracles.  I particularly relate to the prayers she has scattered through the pages, one of which reads in part:...Show me how to use my gifts well, and how to pass them on. (p82)

Graduation Day

One of the students graduating from high school tonight is very special to me.  Almost 10 years ago, I got a call from family vacationing in Florida.  "We've been in a terrible accident.  Please come."  When I and a brother and sister arrived in Florida, our brother was in ICU in one hospital, our 8 year old niece was in ICU in another hospital and our 3 year old nephew was in surgery.  Our sister-in-law, who had been driving, greeted me with, "I almost killed my whole family."  She had been driving the car, and though the accident wasn't her fault, she kept trying to think of ways it could have been avoided.
Ashley, my niece, was permanently paralyzed as a result of the accident.  The fact that it was permanent was hard to accept.  Toward the end of her rehab, about six months after the accident, we went to Shriners hospital in Chicago for a second opinion.  There, our high hopes were dashed in no uncertain terms by a no nonsense team of doctors.  Stunned, we got in a cab and, as we had promised Ashley, went to the American Girl doll store.  You can imagine Mom and Aunt and an 9 year old girl in a wheelchair turned loose in the American Girl doll store after news like that!
Ashley's journey to this graduation day hasn't been easy and the whole family is proud of her accomplishments.  She went to her prom, and her glowing report included the fact that she, "Danced all night."  hmmm
My graduation gift will fulfill promise made during the first hospitalization back in Tampa--a trip to New York City.  (She says she doesn't remember anything from that hospitalization, but she's never forgotten the New York promise.)

Prayer for Loved Ones

Most mornings I start the day by reading the Unity Publication Daily Word (available by subscription & at http://www.dailyword.com/. )  The prayer for Wednesday May 26 is a keeper!  It reads in part,
     ...I pray that at the start of your day, you are filled with confidence and energy, ready to
        experience a day of accomplishment and meaning.  I pray that tonight as you lay your
        head on your pillow, ready for sleep, you have peace about the day that is ending and
        expectation of good for the new day to come.  And so it is.  Amen

Good Choices

Estaquio Santimano

The outcome of the previous 3 Gs is meant to be good choices.  Maybe mindful choices is a more descriptive term.  I find it easier to be mindful about the big choices.  They're like a course plotted on my life map.  I weigh my options carefully.  This turn?  Across that valley?  How long will the trip take?  Is this the right destination?
If big choices are the map, little choices make up the territory.  Little choices like fluttering butterfly wings that disturb the air, even rattle the map.  Not so long ago I made a good choice, a mindful choice about my cat Pearl.  I would go one more round with her latest symptoms, but if she didn't respond I would know it was time to let her go. 
Respond is a fine map concept, but the matching territory isn't easy terrain.  Anyway, Pearl and I stumbled along too long before I realized we'd arrived at our destination.  Last night, in that state between wake and sleep, I felt her creep along my back and gently tap my head with her paw.  I hope she's forgiven me for waiting so long to get her to a better place.

Global Thinking

Global thinking is all about taking the long view in matter both large (the earth) and small (actions in the moment).  Recent studies seem to show that the brain circuits that support this kind of thinking don't develop fully until a person is about 25.  That suggests to me that the ears of young people are important pathways to common sense.  The young ears that I speak into respond better to questions than answers.  "Have you thought about how that might affect...Has anything like that happened before?" 
My own global thinking blind spot has to do with the effects of my comments on others.  I've heard the question Would you rather be right than loved?  My heart knows a different answer than my mouth.
Each evening I've been reading a chapter of Richard Carlson's Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, then trying to live that chapter the next day

Gratitude

Gratitude is paying more attention to what is than what is not.  No one is better at articulating the spirit of gratitude than Mary Oliver.  She's worth a trip to the library to sample her work.  When you find one you like, buy it and keep it by your bed.

Why I Wake Early

By Mary Oliver

Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who made the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety—

best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light—
good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

Grace

Denise Garbonelli

 

A college course in religion and human culture transformed by beliefs about grace.  I had an intellectual understanding of grace as a force for good in a christian life which is available through the sacraments.  A sort of go and sin no more model of grace. 
That college course swept me off my feet with descriptions of the myriad ways God works in the world.  I heard, also, about the good news in the bible, which was news to me despite years of a good, Catholic education.  My imagination was sparked by Paul Tillich's notions of the courage to be in spite of and the ground of being beyond theism.
So my understanding of grace is bound up with ideas of courage and wonder at the ways God is working in the world.  Grace helps me hold my plans and prayers lightly.

Spiritual 4G Network

I've just experienced what has become an annual rite of spring:  allergies; then virus; then ear infection; then gout.  The gout is a genetic gift, so too the allergies I suspect.  My inheritance, along with other, less tangible parental gifts.  Work ethic.  The belief that better times are just around the corner.  A prediliction to suffer fools gladly.
I've been thinking about the less tangible gifts that I might leave with the nieces and nephews who are the children in my life.  They've introduced me to the mysteries of 3G networks, texting, and the folly of wearing certain favorite articles of clothing in their presence.
There's a 4G network I hope to leave with them:  Grace.  Gratitude.  Global Thinking. Good Choices.

Memory Tips

Photo by Natalie Maynor

Short term memory presents us with two challenges:  (1) keeping track of 'disposable items' long enough to use them: and (2) transferring 'keeper' items into long term memory.  Disposable items include a phone number on a voice mail or choices in a phone bank.  As we get older, short term working memory gets less efficient.  Some form of note taking is the easiest solution to those 'disposable' items. 

Remembering names has always been a challenge for me.  I'm actually better at it now than ever because I've learned some techniques to give information a nudge into long term memory.  I've reviewed several sources to identify the techniques.  Most come down to some version of what Dr. Gary Small calls Look--Snap--Connect. (Drs Andrew Weil and Gary Small, The Healthy Brain Kit, 2007, Body & Soul Omnimedia).

LOOK.  Pay attention.  Actively observe what you want to remember.  With names, pay attention to the sound of the name, look carefully at the person's face.  Repeat the name.  Ask for further information if possible.  "Is that Irish?  How is it spelled?" 

SNAP.  Take a mental snapshot.  In your imagination write the name in the air over the person's head. 

CONNECT.  Relate your mental snapshot to another image, preferably one suggested by the name or by some quirk that you noticed about the person.  My young nephew recently came up with a good example when he discovered I'd never learned the difference between the muppets Bert and Ernie.  "Here's the deal," he explained.  "Ernie's head is an egg; Bert's a banana."

I use a form of this method whenever I leave the house.  I call it, "Are we ready to go on the b-b-bus."  The corresponding mental image has my badge, billfold, and bus card all on a bus being driven by my mobile phone.